Souder short version of Obama speech
Good evening.
Aren't things great! So many jobs created, a economy left devastated by rich Republicans is now in recovery for all. Never before has a President done so much with so little help.
Today America is stronger in the world. No longer do people fear that we will use our military to enforce peace and freedom. They no longer have a need to develop and keep nuclear weapons, or chemical or biological weapons, or even guns. By taking the lead, I have confidence others will follow. I realize North Korea has not yet got the message, but if absolutely necessary I will implement a buyback program for nuclear weapons. By even leaving our Ambassador unprotected in the terrorist center of Ben Ghazi, the world now sees that we are a nation of peace. If we cut back, and don't protect ourselves, of course they will follow. We no longer threaten their existence.
I have brought hope back to America and the world. And change has just begun. Tonight I am announcing a new education initiative. We will make sure that every American has at least three college degrees. Unlike the rich Republicans, we aren't going to just push engineering, math, science and those tough math courses. I want to make sure that community organizers, art majors and those who want to study radical feminist gender studies can enjoy the fruits of education and the American dream as much as those numbers wonks. My tax policies will make sure of this.
Now some who read the dictionary might call this socialist. But it is just fairness: why should some get more than others?
The rich Republicans say we are spending too much. As the Democrat congressional leaders have pointed out, it is NOT that we are spending too much. We are just short of revenue. I plan to fix this.
And while creating the jobs for the few left who have somehow missed this recovery, I promise that the new jobs will all be green. We will pollute our air and rivers no longer. I will not tolerate it. If that means we can't manufacture things in America anymore, so be it. Sometimes you have to make hard decisions in my job.
With the abundance of revenue coming in from the new jobs and more taxes on rich Republicans, tonight I commit to you to rebuild every bridge in America out of gold. I mean, what else is it good for anyway. It is either sell it, or use it for bridges.
I urge Congress to pass my agenda by the time I throw out the first baseball this spring. Some may object but this is the truth: I won the election. It is my way or the highway.
God, whoever he or she is, and if there is one, hopefully will bless you. But I'll take care of you regardless.